you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
