I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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