he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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