I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize