and she was petting her beer can
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
