i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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