Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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