it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
