Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize