the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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