So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
