Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
