I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
