She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
