So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
