Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
