I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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