my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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