He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
