So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
