I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
