What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
