I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
