and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
