I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
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