Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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