Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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