he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
