so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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