I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
