i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
