i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
