Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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