If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so let's talk penis.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
