I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
