My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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