look no pants
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
