I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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