after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
