Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
did you just send me my own nude
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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