we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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