I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
