hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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