When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
