Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
