I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
