Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
