you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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