And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just made out with a guy for $7.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
