i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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