Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
