Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
