i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize