ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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