normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
