ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
