that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
