So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
