I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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