he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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