I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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