He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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