She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
