I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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