I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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