his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
