There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
