were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
