Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
