i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
