is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
