No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
