end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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