But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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