Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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