It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
