oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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