yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
