i already hear my dad disowning me
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
