i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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