I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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