I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
