There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize