I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
