ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize