I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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