you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
