She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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