He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
