Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
