Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i came on her dog
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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