based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
