What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
