Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
