bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
