its not stalking. its research.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
love makes seman taste better
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
